It's been four weeks. Four weeks of so much pain I think I'm starting to feel numb. Four weeks of pretending I'm OK. Four long weeks during which the world has been constantly reminding me that I failed. Four weeks of overthinking. Four weeks of finding myself so far away from my dream coming true. Four weeks of people announcing pregnancies or giving birth. Four weeks of adapting to a "new normal" that I did not ask for.
changes in my body:
-have only lost 4 lbs out of the 20 I gained since pregnancy no. 1
-no more breastmilk (actually, my breast are now sagging)
-acne (though a littler better than when I was pregnant)
meds I'm taking: (as prescribed by the doctor after labor)
-folic acid
-prenatals
-mini-pill: will finish the first pack this week. no side effects so far. I got my "real" period two days ago (had been bleeding since induction though).
-I've been taking sleep medication prescribed by my psychiatrist. Before them, I was getting little to no sleep. My body has now gotten used to them so it is still hard for me to sleep.
workout:
-weight training 3-4 times a week
-yoga 2-3 times a week
We have yet to receive a call from Genetics with the final results from the baby's testing. Up until now, the karyotype and microarray on the baby were normal. I have a follow-up appointment in Boston on November 17th and I will be picking up the ashes then.
On another note, my dog Nemo had surgery today to remove a cyst from his back. I broke down at the vet while I waited outside the OR. Every time they opened the door I was expecting bad news. Thankfully, everything went well and he's now sleeping by my side. The cyst was biopsied and the results will be back in two weeks.
Apparently all I do is wait nowadays.
So glad to hear your little Nemo is okay.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you've hit the 1-month mark. Big big (((hugs))) to you. Good for you for continuing to exercise - personally, I think that's very important.
I know how you feel. Four weeks, a whole month, has passed for you. It seems like so long but at the same time the loss feels like yesterday. Everyone else's life has moved on. It's a strange feeling when you feel like you are just "treading water" and realize how removed you are. I get it. It's good to exercise and do things to get your body moving and blood flowing. I hope you are able to keep it up and find it beneficial.
ReplyDeleteI am also so sorry you had to deal with your little Nemo's procedure as well. I hope his biopsy comes back with only good news that nothing is serious. Sending you much love and hugs.