any given sunday.

I've never really liked Sundays. I know it's a day to rest and be home or with family, but to me, it's always been a day where I'm not busy enough and tend to overthink. I'm usually very tired on Saturdays; before my pregnancies, I'd wake up from Monday-Friday at 4:50 am to go to the gym, and would always go to bed really late at night.

But on Sundays, I'd be rested enough to not spend the whole day in bed and my brain would just start thinking. Before my pregnancies, I'd think of my grandmother. She passed away two years ago and I miss her like the very first day. I would have loved to have her at our wedding... I think about what she would have worn or what she would have said. Now, I think of her rocking my babies to sleep in heaven, singing songs to them I often find myself humming.

The other thought that's running through my head is that I'm frozen... frozen in time. It feels like the movies. Everyone else's lives move on, but mine stays in the same place. Everyone is happy, smiling, getting pregnant or having babies, while I'm frozen in time.... back to square one. I am in the same exact place I was when this year started, except this time around I am just plain sad and with 20 lbs I'd like to lose.

I'm thinking of starting tomorrow the October Photo-A-Day Challenge that http://mymrkhandhostsurrogacy.wordpress.com created. I know I'll be starting it mid-October, but I definitely need the distraction.