I started a list about the things I'm grateful for. And around number 3 I stopped. I do not feel grateful. My heart is shattered. I lost two babies.
I was forced to go to dinner at my brother in law's. His wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (my first due date was exactly one week after hers). And then her sister in law is pregnant and my due date and hers were about two weeks apart. Ever since I got there, I felt my tears would overflow.
No one asked me how I was doing. People I had not seen in a while sat next to me and talked about babies and future babies and counted how many boys and girls the family has. No one talked about my babies, of course. To them, they did not exist.
My brother in law's wife complained about the pain of pumping and about all the milk she's producing. That's when I got up and went to my niece's room.
We spent the night watching Tangled. I didn't even make it to the dinner table. I didn't even excuse myself. And I really don't care.
Overall, we had a pretty good time. Even if it was just the two of us. It was a perfect Thanksgiving for us.
I cried the whole ride home.
Ugh. I'm so very sorry you have to deal with all of that. I wish I could give you a big hug. It's so hard when it seems as if family doesn't care, or that they are indifferent. It's such a huge part of us that was lost with our babies, and nobody else can see it. I'm thinking of you. Watching Tangled with your cute little niece was probably a lot more fun than the company of the adults anyway. <3
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