A week from my due date, all I feel is heartache. Seven days from today I should have had a healthy baby boy. All I have left is a broken heart and a whole lot of pain.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
nothing but heartache-
Four months have passed and I still toggle back and forth from really bad days and not-so-good days. I've kept myself busy enough to not overthink, but once I lie down to sleep, it's like I'm projecting onto the ceiling my whole story. I watch it quietly as my husband sleeps. Sometimes I cry, other times I just watch. I can't believe it's been a year since we got pregnant the first time. Between births, pregnancy announcements, and baby showers, I congratulate myself for being so "brave" and "strong". For waking up every morning and getting out of bed. This thought only lasts seconds. My choice didn't feel brave or strong four months ago. It still doesn't. I don't think it ever will.
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I know it may not feel like it or you might not think so all the time, but you are brave and you are strong. What you are going through, what I am going through, is tough. It's not something anyone should go through.I'm sorry that this is a bad month and week for you too, but I will be wishing you peace and strength in the coming days. Hugs.
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